For some time now I've been struggling to come to terms with what I'm really trying to accomplish with my creative endeavors. I'm a very self-driven person, so much of what I do (especially in the realm of making games) is just a result of developing an idea I like and bringing it to life. That said, I would be lying if I said I didn't care what people think of my work. Most of my expressive outlets, especially in my writing, attempt to tell people things they aren't comfortable hearing and to open a dialogue about things that I consider important or at the very least interesting. This is evident in most of my games and music, where I tend not to repeat myself and have experimented with different genres of game or messages in songs rather than take the time to master one or two styles.
For the most part, I'm motivated to do this because I feel isolated by my ideological differences from other people. I'm polyamorous, but I'm a lot more guarded than most people that fit that description. I'm decidedly less angry than most people that self-identify as nihilists. I'm far more confident than most introverts I know. I see Darwinism as an observation of life rather than an idealization of power structures. I believe that consciousness is a property inherent to all matter, which challenges the idea of humans as individuals as well as existing ideas of what life is. It amazes me that despite the years of personal growth I've experienced, I can still look out the window and see a majority of people far older than I am that accept pre-packaged ideas of religion and politics.
But back on topic. Over the past several months, my personal quality standards have interfered with my music, which is the reason I haven't released a serious song in a while. I've had this idea that if I could somehow improve my rhyme schemes and make my messages a bit more explicit, someone would finally absorb what I'm trying to say and reach out to me and then I would have friends. Of course, under scrutiny I realize that my actual talent and voice has nothing to do with my inability to connect with people. The real reason is that I don't have an active audience.
People I know in real life (let alone over the internet) seldom care about what I do, and if I'm lucky enough that they spend five minutes playing Hungry Joe or listening to Upstream, most of them will just say something like, "That's cool, I liked it." What's vexing about this is that I can see that in myself, too. I could care less about the black and white photography that my chemistry classmate brings with her everywhere. To be completely honest, I don't care what anyone else has to say at all. Whether this is the cause or effect of other peoples' apparent apathy or something else entirely, I'm not sure, but it's putting a major burden on me when I think about what I can do to actually build connections with others, and the hypocrisy that I don't actually want to. Hell, from looking at my audios it's obvious that I'd rather rip someone a new asshole than put myself out there and talk about what's important to me. Maybe I just haven't met the right people, but looking around me it's really hard to maintain the belief that I'm ever going to.
I'm going to end this obnoxiously long post by inviting people to actually comment. Tell me why you clicked on this, why you read it, or why you're following me on Newgrounds. What drew you here? What's keeping you here? What do you want from me? I'm not planning to do commissions for future works but I do want to know who my (admittedly small) audience is.
It's kind of late for a year end review but I figure I should say something about one of the most active years of my life. Between releasing the action roguelike Hungry Joe (and landing it on the front page,) eleven consecutive wins on Top Rank MC, releasing nine songs, quadrupling my hourly wage, and rounding out the year with a 3.9 GPA, 2015 was full of a lot of victories. It was also one of the most solitary years I've had in a long time (shoutouts to Hope for keeping me from going out of my mind) but I suppose you can't have everything.
Anyway, I figured I'd drop a link to Hungry Joe for anyone that missed it. The project dominated every minute of my free time for half of the year, and despite a few hiccups, the game has more depth and replayability than any other game I've made thus far. Cheers!
It seemed like it would never happen, but after half a year's worth of work, Hungry Joe is now finished and live on the site! The game is effectively a roguelike Megaman Battle Network, containing over a hundred recipes to use against enemies and dozens of meals to fight to the death. Go play it here!
Today is the 10th anniversary for the PSP system! I've been developing a roguelike with @ShinsukeIto that I intended to release today, but then college happened so it's anyone's guess if I'll have the time to put some serious work into it this semester. I must admit, though, that for as much time as I'm losing to my Java class, I'm learning a lot and it's sure to reflect on my future projects. I'm keeping the major details of the game under wraps, but I simply had to leak the game over screen.
On an unrelated note, I've been writing quite a bit and will be releasing a few tracks here and there this year. In the meantime I'm still looking to spar with some emcees.
Ugh, what to put here? It's been the better part of a year since my last update and I can't say I've done anything to better myself as a game designer. I have my massage diploma and am knocking out some gen eds in college over the summer, but Flash has come to an absolute standstill. Part of this is because I realize I really need to be learning AS3 - I've been wanting to make a sequel to Don't Get Your Ass Chewed On, and I'm intent on releasing it for mobile devices at the same time. Only problem is I'm not sure I'm going to have the vitality to learn a new programming language when I'm working and in college.
In other news I'm trying to get into battle rap. Hit me up if you want to go a round or two.
Obligatory metal song:
Well, it took a year and a half (maybe 3-4 months of consistent work), but Ava RPG is finally done! Given its nature as a PSP Flash game, the battle system is understandably quirky and as a result it's not the best game unless you understand the context of writing games for a system with a mere 32MB of random access memory.
More than anything I'm just glad to have finished a project that's been in the works for so long, as well as being able to release my first open-world RPG with some level of coherence to it (as opposed to casual 'impulse games' like Lincari and DGYACO). I'm also glad that I was able to stick it out and make the game PSP-compatible even after all of the changes made to the game. Ava RPG surpasses Stick RPG: PSP Adaption by a landslide, and as a result makes it (debatably) the greatest PSP Flash game on the web today (Calamity Nemo would likely have been better had it evolved beyond its demo stage).
Now that this project is finished, I'm really not sure what I want to do next. I've always had a fascination with randomly generated maps, strategy games, and especially roguelikes, though I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to get around to making anything like that. For now I'll just end this blog post with Ar Tonelico music (can't go wrong with that).
It's hard to believe that through all of my spotty Flash submissions and infrequent activity, close to 200 people are going to be notified about this news post. It's also hard to believe that it's been more than half a year since the last time I wrote directly to anyone on my page.
Despite logging on daily to deposit experience, I've been almost entirely inactive on Newgrounds bar a few reviews and forum posts. In addition to being two months into trade school, my patience for bug testing and programming has shrunk to virtually nothing due to my general incompetence, laziness, stress, lack of inspiration, etc. That being said, I have over a dozen near-empty FLA files in my Concepts folder, ranging from turn-based strategies to puzzle games to engines without games built around them. I regret to say that the vast majority will never see the light of day.
On the bright side, it's not unlikely that I'll be releasing more simple/casual games like A Simple Shooter, Lincari, or DGYACO in the near future. Since I currently work solo, I typically prefer to take a solid concept and make it into something resembling an arcade game, gadget, or time waster rather than having to worry about tons of different environments, game balancing, or an in-depth storyline.
Flash projects aside, the only sites that I've been remotely active on have been Legend of the Green Dragon (as Kwing), Kingdom of Loathing (as Kwing), and Realm of the Mad God (as KwingNF). On the off-chance that anyone wishes to play a game with me, you can find me there, though I think only once or twice have I been hounded down on another site by someone on Newgrounds.
Since I always end news posts with a video, take this opportunity to listen to a dramatic reading of Me and My Adolescent Cousins Find an Old Typewriter While High on Sleep Deprivation.
Well, the Level Collab, a project I started at Jiggmin's Village almost two months ago, has finally been finished. You can see how the level turned out below:
Other than that, not much has been happening. I've still got tons of game ideas, and I'm still not pursuing any of them. Now that I'm back in contact with an old friend, I may be making a game with her. I've recently gotten an idea for a simple (easy to program) yet fun RPG that will play kind of similar to Half-Minute Hero. Hopefully I can get somewhere with that.
I've got two projects I'm working on for the PSP before I move onto other stuff. Those, when finished, will be added to this collection. Actually, this current project will be the first open-world RPG I've ever made, regardless of platform! It'll probably suck, but at least I'll get some experience with making linear RPGs.
Between class and work I haven't really had the stamina for making any particularly long or complex games, so I haven't done bug testing for Diablo PSP or looked into making an engine for my SRPG yet... But I have managed to make a 10-minute long platformer for the YouTube celebrity PewDiePie. The engine is solid, the gameplay is fun, and as short as it is I really enjoy playing it! Once my artist Milla finishes the intro and ending cutscenes, I'll be able to submit it and hope it turns out well! On top of that, I've decided to release the game's source publicly so people can mod it however they want.